awsum pawkit protektr

Because sometimes you ca not find a kitteh-sitter on short notice…
Because you saw it in a picture on Cheezburger….
Because you want to see if he’ll fit…

Have friends marvel at the cute kitteh in your pocket, and then reveal to them that–TADA–it’s not real, before looking for new friends who aren’t so gullible.

Warning: It’s not a real pocket, so if your kitteh does indeed like to ride around in your shirt pocket, this may not be the shirt for you.

Remember that time you went to your brother’s wedding, with everyone in their fancy tuxedos, and you were wearing that T-shirt that LOOKED like a tuxedo? Man, you were the hit of that wedding, and not just because of the spontaneous karaoke you instigated by yelling along drunkenly to “Here Comes the Bride.”

Also, remember that time you went to muscle beach, with everyone oiled and with huge bicepts, well you just spent the last year on the couch, and all you needed to do to look good was wear that T-shirt that made you look like all you did was chug protein drinks and do situps, well this is just as epic!

Your simply awesome experience will come when you wear this shirt to the next Pocket Kitteh Convention… Karaoke optional.

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Royal Blue and Women’s Shirt in Turqouise

Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

Artist Diana Sprinkle loves cute things, comics, puns, and evil, just not
always in that order.

Bunny needs a hug!

Oh no. What did you do?  You should apologize, like definitely, but not before you’re positive that you know what you did. Bunnies can tell when an apology isn’t legitimate, it’s like a bunny-sense they have, along with being super-cute all the time, even when they’re sad.  Okay, focus, let’s run through the possibilities:

1. You ate the last of the lettuce.
2. You ate the last of the carrots.
3. You were singing the bunnies song about ears hanging low and wobbling to and fro.
4. Wait, that sweater isn’t Angora, is it?

Alright, now apologize. Hold the bunny close, cuddle with the bunny, and tell her everything is going to be okay. Tell her that her Peter Rabbit is out there, somewhere, and that true-bunny-love is not just an as-yet-unmade Disney fairy-tale, but a real thing that she will find someday.

Is everyone around you being a meanie?
Wear this shirt to show them how they make you feel. Hopefully, they’ll start being nicer, and when they do, keep wearing this shirt, because it’s still got a cute bunny on it, you know?

Men’s/Unisex tee comes in black:
Emo Bunny wears black on the outside because Emo Bunny feels black on the inside.

Women’s tee comes in blue:
Emo Bunny wears blue on the outside because Emo Bunny feels blue on the inside… and enjoys the snug fit of a women’s tee.

Maybe they’re tears of joy. I don’t know, maybe, right? It’s hard to tell with bunnies

Shirt Artist Jessica is a Portland artist who is just doing it for the lulz

Bacon? Bacon!

Man, I wish someone would tape Bacon on me. Bacon is so frikkin’ delicious, man. Everything is better with bacon.  Burgers, salads, omelets, ice cream. Well, I haven’t tried that last one, but I mean, probably, man, right? I’d drink a bacon cola if they made it. Mmmm… I can feel the bacon carbonation bubbles fizzing in my mouth right now.

If we weren’t supposed to eat pigs, why make them out of bacon? I think the story of Charlotte’s Web would have gone a little differently if pigs were made out of Brussel sprouts, am I right? Like well, there wouldn’t have been a story.  I mean, who wants to have a farm of Brussel sprouts pigs? No one. You eat a weird green BLT and then your pee smells weird, and that’s not what I’m looking for in a delicious sandwich.

Or, c’mon, if you’re gonna make pigs out of bacon, maybe don’t make them helpless farm animals. Give them some superpowers. Like wasn’t there some sort of Spider-Pig I heard about?

Yeah, something like that. Until then, I’m gonna keep eating bacon, because it’s delicious, man. I think back in the 90s, when people said that things were Da Bomb, they should have been saying that things were Da Bacon. Tonight I’m gonna pick up some of the Canadian variety, along with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and you know what, we’re just gonna see what happens.

You said it cat, now let’s go get some Cherry Garcia and make magic.

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Slate and Women’s Shirt in Brown
Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

Rob Christianson is a freelance designer and illustrator from the Seattle area who specializes in fun, colorful artwork and fears clowns.

Pirates > Ninjas

Earlier in this website’s history, we sold another shirt about Ninjas and Pirates. It claimed that Ninjas were greater than Pirates. For that shirt, I wrote a long essay about why Ninjas were greater than Pirates, and posted it right here. Now, months later, I have a confession to make: that was a lie.

Ninjas aren’t greater than Pirates. They simply aren’t. But what was I supposed to do then? We’d gotten in a shipment of shirts saying they were, plus I was being threatened by ten, twenty, maybe 100,000 ninjas, all at once, forcing me to say how cool they are. Sure, I couldn’t actually see these ninja assailants, but I mean, that’s the thing with ninjas, you don’t see them until it’s too late.

But now the tide has turned, literally (figuratively?), and the pirates have sailed back to their rightful place on the top of the food–umm, AWSUM–chain. Why are pirates so cool?

1. Pirates eat meat.
2. Pirates listen to heavy metal.
3. ARGH!
4. Pirates have parrots and grog.
5. Pirates steal sh#%

FACT(S)!
So if you’re a ninja, ye best watch yer back matey, or ye be asking to walk the plank!

Do I need a peg leg to enjoy this shirt?
No, you don’t, because it’s a shirt, but stay tuned for the launch of LOLmart Pants and LOLmart Peg Leg Accessories. FACT (not really).

But what if I wear this shirt sometime in the future, and a ninja sees me?
Look, if you’re talking about wearing this shirt in the future, I can tell you one thing, and that’s that in the future, there is no land, only water, as prophesied in the excellent Kevin Costner film Waterworld. And a world of water is no place for a ninja, because ninjas drown. FACT (maybe, I mean, I never saw a ninja when I was taking swimming lessons).

But Mortal Kombat has ninjas and Mortal Kombat is cool, right?
Yeah, of course Mortal Kombat is cool, but imagine how much cooler it would be with… pirates! FACT (really a fact this time).

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Royal Blue and Women’s Shirt in Turqouise
Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

Today’s artist Chris L. Kimball – Illustrator @ Large in New York City

im done packin

Actual phone call transcript recorded on 2-17-10, which I made up just now:

“Kuddly Kitty Moving Company, this is Snowball.”

“Hi, ummm, Snowball? This is Amanda Worthington. We hired your company to help us move today.”

“Oh, yes, Amanda. Of course. How can I help you?”

“Yeah, well, it’s the mover you sent. Baby Kitty, ummm, Baby Kitty Fluffy–”

“Baby Kitty Fluffy Pants. He’s one of our most senior employees. A real skilled mover there.”

“Yes, well, he came over, but instead of helping us pack things up, he just stared at us in a judging way. Then he meowed for like fifteen minutes until we gave him a saucer of milk. He spilled half the milk, and then proceeded to take a nap on my husband’s lap, so now neither of them are helping me move.”

Should I hire cats to help me move? Please don’t take the above case too seriously, as it is one negative moving experience from a company that has been successfully moving people for years, plus, I made it up. In real life, cats may not be able to grab the other side of the sofa and lift with their knees, but they can provide important moral support, with the cuddling and the purring and things of this nature.

What should I do for cat friends who are moving? Well, what would you do for normal friends that are moving? Come up with a really good excuse for why you can’t help them move. Just remember: when they do get settled into their new place, you should always get them a nice housewarming gift.

We recommend a shirt for their owner, perhaps featuring a cat covered in packing peanuts

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Slate and Women’s Shirt in Brown

Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

Our Artist Diana Sprinkle loves cute things, comics, puns, and evil just not
always in that order.

Snakes on a Mutha#$%^ing Plane

In 2006, we were blessed with the Citizen Kane of our age. Samuel L. Jackson, in his definitive role, found himself trapped on a one-way-trip to slithering horror. Here, we have a clip of him delivering his signature line, albeit edited for television.

Okay, maybe not Citizen Kane. Maybe not so much Sam’s crowning achievement. But oh, the potential.

Before the film’s release, the internet embraced the straight-to-the-point title and hokey potential of the film, sight-unseen. With the movie already in the can, the film studio suddenly found an untapped and ravenous audience who were excited to see the worst movie ever made. Unfortunately for the studio, even after a series of reshoots, they still hadn’t made a horribly bad movie, but just a mediocre one.

Thankfully, there’s something that the reality of Snakes on a Plane can’t take away from us, and that’s the feeling when we first heard the title. That rush when we found out it starred Samuel L. Jackson. The flurry of images that sped through our collective cortex (4chan) when we all saw the potential.

In 2010, let’s pledge to get snakes back on planes. We hear there’s a free seat where Kevin Smith was sitting. This shirt celebrates what could have been. It hopes to send a shockwave through Hollywood, showing them that we demand a Snakes on a Plane redux, a Snakes on a Plane 2, a movie that lives up to the hype of the first one, a movie that lives up to the dream in our hearts.

It’s also a super awesome shirt, so yeah, when our grassroots campaign ultimately fails, we’re still going to look fashionable and hip, thank you very much. Oh, and if you would be so kind…

Get these mutha—ing shirts out of our mutha—-ing shirt factory!!1!

Thank you.

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Royal Blue and Women’s Shirt in Sand

Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

The designer is www.jvmediadesign.com Squeezing creative juice and running with scissors since 1995

The Fingerstache

Fingerstache is a meme that originated with the Ohio-based tattoo artist Giovani. He was sitting in his tattoo shop, joking around with his co-workers, when they came up with the idea of tattooing a mustache on a finger. They thought it was the most innocent tattoo a person could get, hypothesizing that no one would be offended by a tattoo of a fingerstache. Tom, a guy who was hanging out in the shop at the time, said “I’ll get that right now!” and the first fingerstache tattoo was inked right then and there.

At the time, they were completely unaware of what a phenomenon it would become on the internet, with people everywhere excitedly sharing pictures of their own fingerstache tattoos. Eventually, it spread to people who would rather draw the  mustache on their finger with water-soluble ink than live with the permanence of a tattoo.

We at LOLmart Shirts would like to make the practice even less permanent. Sometimes you want to toss on a fingerstache, but don’t want to worry about having to scrub the sharpie off at a later date. SOLUTION: Slap on this t-shirt! You get the effect of the fingerstache, but without any of the commitment. Suddenly feeling less fingerstache-y? Throw another LOLmart brand shirt over this one (sold seperately) and voila!

Plus, look at the gentleman on this shirt. He makes the fingerstache look regal. I want to play hacky-sack with this guy. He probably gets picked first for Ultimate Frisbee EVERYTIME. I want to go see his steampunk band next week, we should carpool. Do you think there’s a normal mustache underneath his fingerstache? No, you’re right, it’s better not to know.

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Slate and Women’s Shirt in Brown
Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

Today’s artist is Ana Benaroya, an illustrator and designer who loves bright colors and hot sauce!

Awww Cat Food Fail – The Nom Force Field

Me: “Well, doc, I had the dream again.  I’m doing cat stuff, you know, walking around, stalking, sleeping, yeah, the usual.  I curl up in the sun, you know, to nap, and then I get hungry and want some NOM’s, so I head over to my food bowl and then smack I can’t get to the nom’s.  No noms!?!  I then notice that I’ve got this huge cone on my head.  It’s horrible, horrible I tell ya!

Psychiatrist: “And how did that make you feel?”

Me: “Well, not too good, but then it got worse, my owner took a picture of me and captioned it on I Can Has Cheezburger.”

Me: “And then I’m like, frozen there, forever FAILing on the intertubes, for the whole world to see.  But then it becomes my worst fear, and I’m on a t-shirt, and the t-shirt is really cool looking, but people are just walking around wearing me all of the time.”

Psychiatrist: “I’m sorry, but that wasn’t a dream, that was real.  Also, our hour’s almost up, is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”"

Me: “WHAT?!”  [INSERT CRAZY FLASHBACK]  “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE! What a twist ending!”

This t-shirt description was directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

If you’re a cat, this shirt says: “hey, you know, I might FAIL once or twice, but at least I am trying, in the face of adversity at least I am giving it my all. Meow.”

If you’re a person, this shirt says: “hey, yeah, I laugh at my cat sometimes, but I still love it, you know? Sometimes my cat might be prescribed an elizabethan collar to help prevent it from hurting itself, so no, I’m not being mean.  I’m going to help it get some food, I am, no really, but I just have to take this picture first.  And then maybe caption it on I Can Has Cheezburger.  I’m sure it would rather be famous.”

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in White and Women’s Shirt in Brown
Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

To Catch a Pedobear

WARNING! CONTENT IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. BEWARE THE PEDOBEAR!

Pedobear is a popular character and meme that originated on 4chan image boards. I’m not going to tell you what Pedobear is known for, and for some of you I’m not going to explain 4chan, but I am going to give you some basic ground rules for what to do if you see Pedobear, if you hear Pedobear, if you think Pedobear, if Pedobear s chatting with you inappropriately online… Run away, and Keep Running!

Got it?  As cute an cuddly as a Pedobear pretends to be, it’s not innocent. Also, remember to be careful when turning away to run.  A few backwards steps are fine.   Seriously stay away from the pedobear unless you are an NRA member, I mean you are the NRA and you’re packing.  .

Now here’s what not to do:

1. Do not accept a hug from Pedobear.
2. Do not accept candy from Pedobear
3. Do not get into the van.

Now here’s what to do:

1. Run
2. Hide
3. Call the Police/the A-Team/Michael Knight
4. Most importantly, call Chris Hansen.

Chris:  “Nice to see you. Why don’t you have a seat over there?”

Pedobear: “Umm… who are you?”

Chris: “I’m Chris Hansen.”

Pedobear:  “Oh… crap… not again!”

Chris Hansen working with his NBC Dateline special feature To Catch a Predator was legendary in exposing and catching Pedobears.  Only his voice of truth can stop the madness… the madness… the madness…

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SHIRT?! This shirt combines the cuddly nature of Pedobear with the brutal truth that he must be stopped at all costs.  Wear the shirt and let the Pedobear know the Police are on their way!

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Black and Women’s Shirt in Brown
Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.

Shirt Artist Jessica is a Portland artist who is just doing it for the lulz

So, I herd you liek Mudkipz…

As do I. I made you this shirt. You can wear it to school on Halloween if you want, just don’t combine it with a plush Mudkip doll. The other students may have… adverse reactions.  You can also wear it any other day of the year too, which is what I recommend.  That way, if you run into a dead martial arts star who also likes Mudkips, you will have something to talk about:

For new Mudkip fans, a Mudkip is a Pokemon, a water Pokemon to be exact.  The Pokedex (a guidebook for Pokemon, don’t you know) says this about the Mudkip:

“The fin on its head is like a sensitive radar. The fin is able to detect movements in the air and water. This Pokémon can determine the surroundings around it without using its eyes.”

Here is a video of Mudkips in their natural habitat:

Mudkips originally appeared in Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire, as one of the player’s starter Pokemon.  They weren’t all that chic, though, until teh interwebz got a hold of them, and featured a plush Mudkip as the subject of a popular copypasta.  Thus, a new meme was created.  ( Encyclopedia Dramatica Reference and Know Your Meme Reference)

Now it’s a cute shirt.

Men’s/Unisex Shirt in Royal Blue and Women’s Shirt in Turqouise
Please see our FAQ for Sizing. Shirts are tight-fitted, so you might want to order one size larger. Women’s cuts run skinny, like junior sizes, so some women have recommended going two sizes larger or getting the Unisex shirt to be safe.